Today woke up at 2pm, well, becos i slept only at 7am this morning. was studying thru the night with YH at west coast, came home at 5am, but couldnt sleep, so was lying on the bed watching my "Cars" dvd (original... juz bought). watched finished, decided that I should be sleeping, so took some panadol-aka-my-sleep-inducers.

somehow i woke up with the heart-beat rhythm at a very fast pace, something I have yet to experience in a very long time. I think the most significant time that I felt this way was after my jc2 Huang Cheng days, when I had withdrawal symptoms. I don't know why I'm feeling this way today.

i couldnt stay at home, since the only kind of face i have is a grumpy one. i didn't have the energy to even smile. went down to starbucks, ordered a iced caffe latte, grabbed an I-S mag and sat down at the smoking tables, finished reading, and just sat there stoning. saw a few ppl at the neighbouring tables smoking, in the end did the same myself too.

i had with me my cs229 stuff, hoping to get the stoning thing out of the way and get started with the studying. in my mp3 player, i'm blasting some cheery music from the soundtrack of "Flushed Away". no, it didn't help. in the end, i walked back home and here I am, sitting on my bed and facing my computer with utterly no energy to DRAW energy to study.

i feel wasted, i feel like shit. and all i want is to find someone to talk to, but i know everyone's studying and i'm sure i don't want to bother any of them.

the only thing i wanna do now is to go to a secluded beach and scream out "fuck".


Johnzzon