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Tuesday, April 26, 2005
betrayal. a word i so terribly hate. top of my hate list, right on top of things like hypocrisy and selfishness.
interestingly, betrayal was the theme of the naruto episodes that i'm catching now (100 to 105). i so darn hate the character Morino Idate, he's a blardy whiner and big-talker, and in the end, he whined and cried and kept saying "so sorry, boss, i had to let u down" even when the noisy naruto kept screaming into his ears to wake him up. (sometimes i so blardy hate naruto for his screamings too.)
sometimes i really want to choose to only love myself. why not? u only trust yourself to do the things you wan to do, you can't betray yourself, you can't do harm to yourself.
yet. the firm idea of being a nice guy always pops in without fail.
i've only betrayed this idea only countable times in my life. one of them happened last friday, when i blared out "thanks to batch 55, esp Liao Zhenghan, for everything he had done". (see my first few blogs of my livejournal acc.)
i hate it, no one is scared of wut i'm capable of. and everyone is taking advantage of me. i hate it to be nice. i hate it to wait for ppl to realise who i am, and to accept me, and to even talk to me frankly right in my face. is it that difficult? is it that difficult to even say "heys, don't be so mean" or "heys, don't be evil" sometimes rather than saying things like "aiyo, that person is darn evil, let's not be friends with him".
nah, i'm not even talking abt the post "Liao Zhenghan" speech. something else happened. and i shant not talk abt it in details, or else weird selfish freaks will start complaining more about it behind my back.
i hate the feeling of "assuming". some things, i just know. and yet, i can't confirm, or rather i don't want to confirm. do u really think i don't intend to continue the friendship? yet, i dun even feel the trust of you coming up to me and sort things out. i hate u.
sick. tired. stressed. fatigued.
and that's wut became of me. finally, i would like to ask you. Are you happy?
if you are, i'm happy for u too. cheer out.
*peace-sign*,
Johnzzon
interestingly, betrayal was the theme of the naruto episodes that i'm catching now (100 to 105). i so darn hate the character Morino Idate, he's a blardy whiner and big-talker, and in the end, he whined and cried and kept saying "so sorry, boss, i had to let u down" even when the noisy naruto kept screaming into his ears to wake him up. (sometimes i so blardy hate naruto for his screamings too.)
sometimes i really want to choose to only love myself. why not? u only trust yourself to do the things you wan to do, you can't betray yourself, you can't do harm to yourself.
yet. the firm idea of being a nice guy always pops in without fail.
i've only betrayed this idea only countable times in my life. one of them happened last friday, when i blared out "thanks to batch 55, esp Liao Zhenghan, for everything he had done". (see my first few blogs of my livejournal acc.)
i hate it, no one is scared of wut i'm capable of. and everyone is taking advantage of me. i hate it to be nice. i hate it to wait for ppl to realise who i am, and to accept me, and to even talk to me frankly right in my face. is it that difficult? is it that difficult to even say "heys, don't be so mean" or "heys, don't be evil" sometimes rather than saying things like "aiyo, that person is darn evil, let's not be friends with him".
nah, i'm not even talking abt the post "Liao Zhenghan" speech. something else happened. and i shant not talk abt it in details, or else weird selfish freaks will start complaining more about it behind my back.
i hate the feeling of "assuming". some things, i just know. and yet, i can't confirm, or rather i don't want to confirm. do u really think i don't intend to continue the friendship? yet, i dun even feel the trust of you coming up to me and sort things out. i hate u.
sick. tired. stressed. fatigued.
and that's wut became of me. finally, i would like to ask you. Are you happy?
if you are, i'm happy for u too. cheer out.
*peace-sign*,
Johnzzon
